ink your words like bricks are used to build your couple. Every time you say something encouraging, positive, you add a brick. But every time you criticize, you remove a brick. If you were to build a House based on your current level of communication in your couple, how long would it take you?
I hope this illustration gives you an idea of the importance of positive communication in the couple. We already know that validation and reinforcement of positive behaviours work to support the development of children’s brains and to promote well-being and happiness. Why would it stop in adulthood? Our brains are like sponges throughout our lives, we constantly learn and adapt according to our experiences. If they are positive, we react and build a positive life. If everything we hear or experience is negative, we will resist for a while before we collapse.
Being a positive person and talking positively to your spouse is a good thing for your couple. But what exactly does positive communication look like on a daily basis? Here are some concrete tips that can have a saving power on your couple. Put them into practice as often as possible, and until they become an automatism, you will find for sure their powerful impact.
Often say “I love you”
Perhaps you think your spouse knows that you love him and that there is no point in repeating him? And this is surely the case… But saying “I love you” strengthens feelings. For most people, it is not easy to express your feelings. So, getting out of his comfort zone and declaring his love to someone fully takes its meaning. This makes him happy and makes his heart beat. Suddenly, the person you say “I love you” realizes how much you care about her.
Greet you enthusiastically
When you find yourself after being separated, whether after a day’s work or even two hours, greet your spouse with joy. Embrace, kiss or a simple “Hello” a point of honor. These small gestures give a sense of belonging and your spouse will feel all the more loved and desired. Also, knowing that someone will be happy to see us coming in and waiting allows us to relativise and keep the majority of professional worries at a distance.
Offer your listening and attention
Often we tend to listen and then give solutions or advice. We want to look so concerned, attentive or good advice. However, it is sometimes necessary to know simply to be present by listening. When our spouse entrusts us with his concerns or problems, it is perhaps only because he needs an attentive ear, not an adviser! Offer your listening without thinking of a solution. Offer advice only if your spouse expressly requests it, and even then, prefer to ask questions so that he or she can formulate his or her answer. Most of the time, we know for a fact what we have to deal with our problems, we simply need encouragement or support from a loved one. Active listening is a powerful communication tool in the couple, use it!
Every couple has disagreements, it’s a reality. But the way you behave when you disagree will have a positive or negative impact on your relationship. For example, if you do not agree on your child’s education, you do not need to raise your voice or cut your spouse’s speech without interruption. Instead, choose to listen and find compromises. Do not run into harmful behaviours to make your opinion heard, impose your choices or compel your partner. It is much more important to show respect and kindness, two values that maintain the positive within your couple. In addition, your positive behavior will affect each Member of your household in the way they treat others.
Encourage and support your partner!
Remember your childhood when your parents told you how fabulous your drawings were, almost worthy of Picasso’s works… As a partner, we should offer the same kind of encouragement to the elect of our hearts. Of course, you have to stay realistic and not give false hope. But simply expressing our admiration to our spouse can have a liberating and powerful effect. A “thank you for this dinner, it was delicious” is just an example of daily encouragement that costs nothing, but will be felt positively. A win-win system is the key to positive communication within the couple!